Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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