mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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