we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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