Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
