theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
