I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
