If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
