I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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