I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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