I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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