Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
