Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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