my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
birth control should be required to get into college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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