I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
