So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
