So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
