I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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