high people should be assigned attendants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
