Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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