I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
