the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
