Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
