I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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