i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
