my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
