this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
