He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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