You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
