How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
