Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
