some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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