Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
