6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My bed smells like the plague
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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