How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
