I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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