At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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