She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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