You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
