Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
