Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
