I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
