Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
