and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
