My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
