Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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