so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
