is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think my moral compass just broke
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
