we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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