Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
