so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
