So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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