hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
