you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
