Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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