he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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