Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
